Forgiven and
Forgiving: It’s Hard Work
Oct 30
Forgiveness Builds the Future
Forgiveness and the Future (58-60). In this section, Countryman speaks a lot about how we are citizens (albeit imperfect ones) in the age to come. We are living now in God's future.What is this "age to come"? It is the age in which "we human beings shed the need to do harm and live at peace with one another and the world around us" (59). Countryman is talking about the transformative power of forgiveness that flows freely from love, rather than from a sense of duty or obligation.
Love, Not Duty (60-62). It's interesting that Countryman says that if forgiveness were a duty, it might be easier for us. It is, however, more complex. He mentions that he has already talked about how we might help ourselves be open to allowing forgiveness. Do we need to review that? Probably. Here it is:
The Promise of a Future Out of Our Control (62-63). I really like two things that Countryman says here. One is that we are afraid of the future and of surprise. But surprise does not have to be negative. Another name for surprise, he says, is grace. Two, the good news at the center of Jesus's message: We aren't on trial after all" (62). Our knowledge that we are not in creative control of the future should be, he says, liberating.
The Heart of Forgiveness. (63-66). The heart is the acknowledgement that we're all in this together. The heart is that we always keep the door open, while knowing that the person who did us harm has no obligation to walk through it. "Acknowledging our common humanity, offering to build a future together--that's what forgiveness is" (66).
Risk, Not Stupidity. (66-68). Forgiveness involves taking a risk, but taking a risk doesn't mean "going soft in the head" (66). Consider the story of Joseph, his fate at the hand of his brothers and his meeting them much later in Egypt, where he has grown to be a powerful person.
But Is It Enough? Let's look closely at what Countryman says about "turning the other cheek" and martyrdom (the meaning of which, in the Greek, is "witnessing." He sums it up like this:
Oct 9, Moved to October 16
Some Practical Problems (pp 73-93)
Oct 2
Forgiving One Another: Opportunity or Demand?
September 25
Self-Forgiveness
Oct 30
Forgiveness Builds the Future
William Countryman introduces this chapter with these words:
...Forgiveness is not primarily about the past but about the future. There is no way of erasing the past, and we always carry the past with us into the future. The questions is not whether we carry we carry it with us, but how we carry it--how we interpret it and how we build with it. Do we drag the past with us like a dead weight, a ball and chain, something that holds us back? Do we carry it as a kind of guilty secret, as something we don't want to give room to in the future and yet can't quite discard? Do we carry it as a weapon to use against ourselves or someone else? Do we carry the memory of past wrongs as a kind of shield to protect ourselves from the uncertainty of the future?
There is an alternative to these approaches. (57)This chapter has these divisions:
Forgiveness and the Future (58-60). In this section, Countryman speaks a lot about how we are citizens (albeit imperfect ones) in the age to come. We are living now in God's future.What is this "age to come"? It is the age in which "we human beings shed the need to do harm and live at peace with one another and the world around us" (59). Countryman is talking about the transformative power of forgiveness that flows freely from love, rather than from a sense of duty or obligation.
Love, Not Duty (60-62). It's interesting that Countryman says that if forgiveness were a duty, it might be easier for us. It is, however, more complex. He mentions that he has already talked about how we might help ourselves be open to allowing forgiveness. Do we need to review that? Probably. Here it is:
It is really important for us to go over the paragraphs that begin with: "Forgiveness, of course, begins in the midst of tension" (61). Let's read it together. Is it time to begin talking specifically about our own hurts and the issues surrounding forgiveness, as Karen so openly did the last time we met? How might we do that?
- Forgiving Others for Our Own Sake (53): Finally, Countryman encourages us to begin the difficult process of forgiveness and suggests four ways to "cultivate" forgiveness:
- pray regarding the one who wronged us;
- reflect on the universality of God's forgiveness;
- reflect on God's forgiveness of you;
- pray for God to lead you into the future. The end of the story that began with the harm done to you is still unknown; in fact, it's yet to be written. (53-56)
The Promise of a Future Out of Our Control (62-63). I really like two things that Countryman says here. One is that we are afraid of the future and of surprise. But surprise does not have to be negative. Another name for surprise, he says, is grace. Two, the good news at the center of Jesus's message: We aren't on trial after all" (62). Our knowledge that we are not in creative control of the future should be, he says, liberating.
The Heart of Forgiveness. (63-66). The heart is the acknowledgement that we're all in this together. The heart is that we always keep the door open, while knowing that the person who did us harm has no obligation to walk through it. "Acknowledging our common humanity, offering to build a future together--that's what forgiveness is" (66).
Risk, Not Stupidity. (66-68). Forgiveness involves taking a risk, but taking a risk doesn't mean "going soft in the head" (66). Consider the story of Joseph, his fate at the hand of his brothers and his meeting them much later in Egypt, where he has grown to be a powerful person.
But Is It Enough? Let's look closely at what Countryman says about "turning the other cheek" and martyrdom (the meaning of which, in the Greek, is "witnessing." He sums it up like this:
Could you write about how you have been harmed by someone--an instance where forgiveness is complicated and not readily forthcoming. In this writing, can you call things "by their true name?" How can doing so open the door to forgiveness for you?Forgiveness acknowledges our common humanity and holds open a door to the future. But it also calls things by their true names. It isn't timid, but fearless. It's neither mealy-mouthed nor abusive, but straightforward. It doesn't seek to harm others by telling the truth, but neither does it refrain from telling the truth just because someone might be inconvenienced or their wrongs brought to light. Forgiveness assumes a bold and engaged way of living.
Oct 9, Moved to October 16
Some Practical Problems (pp 73-93)
Circumstances beyond our control can pose particular problems in the process of forgiveness, especially in the nature of wrongs and harm done to us. There is no specific answer to how to deal with forgiveness in certain problematic situations, "Yet we still have the need, in these situations, to turn old wrongs loose, if only for our own peace and freedom (73)."
The chapter has these divisions:
- Apologies--And Their Absence: A good apology requires tact, Countryman says. And it has to be a gift. We cannot have the expectation that it be accepted, however. And we can't demand that. "The apology does not compel forgiveness or earn it or purchase it; it only seeks to smooth the way for the offended party to give forgiveness in exchange.
- And we must be careful not to offer apologies that have no spiritual value (I'm sorry that what I did upset you." What's wrong with this apology?)
- Making an apology is a way of our participating in God's plan to redeem the world.
- What are we to do when the offender walks away with out apologizing to us? When the person acts as if noting happened, or assumes that what he or she did was perfectly justified? "Isn't it better to leave the unrepentant entirely to God's forgiveness?" (The answer if "No." See p. 76-77) "When the wrongdoer will not cooperate in the process of reconciliation, let the person go" (78).
- The Absent Offender (79): Reconciliation takes two people; forgiveness is unilateral. "By forgiveness, I let the offender and the offense go. I allow that reality to recede into the past while I get on with my life" (79). This is a powerful section in this chapter; it looks at how we recognize past harm, and let it go, without diminishing the seriousness of it.
- The Abusive Situation and the Repeat Offender. "It's quite another thing to forgive when you have every reason to think that the wrongdoer will continue to commit the same offense over and over again in the future" (82). In cases of abuse, for example, forgiveness cannot begin until you admit the abuse and get out of the situation. Countryman raises the question of suffering here and the human endurance of it. He also says that, just as with personal abuse, we are to recognize corporate abuse (racism,e.g.) and work toward stopping it and forgiving it. Forgiveness does not suggest that we accept the status quo or that we not become politically active when we see oppression.
- Forgiving the Church and Other Sacred Authorities. How does one go about forgiving the wrongs of sacred institutions or of individuals who hold sacred trust? (89)
- When Forgiveness is not Forthcoming--The Other Side of the Problem. What do you do when you are refused forgiveness for harm that you have done? We forgive the refusal.
Oct 2
Forgiving One Another: Opportunity or Demand?
...God is profoundly sorrowful over the harm we do to ourselves and one another. God envisions, for us and with us, a future characterized increasingly by loveand communion with one another. Forgiveness isn't a way of condoning evil, but of overcoming it--maybe the only really effective way.
(39)
The chapter, "Forgiving One Another" (39-56) has these divisions:
- The Social Dimension of Forgiveness (41): Forgiveness does not have a private dimension; we are social beings. Christ did not come into the world to save me personally, but to save all of us. "This reality has consequences."
- Forgiving One Another (42): "God may forgive my neighbor, but does that mean I have to? Well, the teaching of Jesus is rather insistent upon that point." Think of the daunting passage in the Lord's Prayer. Does this prayer say that we are forgiven only to the extent that we forgive those who have sinned against us? (See Matt 6: 14-15 and, even more daunting, Matt 18: 21-35). "Is forgiveness then a matter of duty after all--a duty whose dereliction will be severely punished?" See how Countryman answers this perplexing question on pp 46-47.
- Dealing with Past Harms (47): Using the Psalmists as examples (as well as the poem by Blake), Countryman states that we must acknowledge our emotional responses to the harm that has been done to us. Burying them or dismissing them is toxic. We need to feel the hurt. We need to get angry. We won't be able to deal with these emotions unless we go through them. They will become destructive. We can "nip them in the bud" by beginning the process of forgiveness (52).
- Forgiving Others for Our Own Sake (53): Finally, Countryman encourages us to begin the difficult process of forgiveness and suggests four ways to "cultivate" forgiveness:
- pray regarding the one who wronged us;
- reflect on the universality of God's forgiveness;
- reflect on God's forgiveness of you;
- pray for God to lead you into the future. The end of the story that began with the harm done to you is still unknown; in fact, it's yet to be written. (53-56)
For October 9: Some Practical Problems (73-93)
September 25
Self-Forgiveness
The chapter "Forgiving Oneself" (23-38) has these divisions:
- Do We Really Accept God's Forgiveness? (p, 24: God's notion of justice is new life, not punishment; p. 26: How can we turn our refusal to be forgiven around?
We cannot move beyond the wrongs we have done until we confront them, and God has created a "safe space"where we can do exactly that.We won't be trapped in them. We won't be condemned by them forever. We can look them in the eye right now. (26)
- Forgiveness or Perfection? P. 29: What did Jesus mean by perfection?
- Forgiving the Wrongs We Have Done to Ourselves: the list may surprise you, especially the discussion about self-denial.
- Forgiving Ourselves for the Wrongs We Have Done to Others: Forgiveness won't magically heal the broken relationship. We don't forgive ourselves by pretending the wrong we did never happened. Seeking forgiveness must be done in a way respectful of the harmed person.
By forgiving ourselves...we are giving God the last word on the matter insteas of ourselves. (33-34)
- Forgiveness in Communities
- Living in Forgiveness: Forgiveness..."turns out to look not backwards so much as forwards" (36)
In what ways is it possible “to apply this lavish forgiveness to yourself” (p. 31)? What scares you about doing so? What about it gives you life? Try slathering some forgiveness on yourself right now. (No, really, try it!)
______________________________________________________
We Resume Forgiven and Forgiving on Sept 25
In Forgiving and Forgiven, the relevant chapter for the 25th is "Forgiving Oneself," p. 23. Here is a quote:
Sometimes we think we’ve accepted God’s forgiveness of us, only to find that, deep down, we haven’t….How can we tell? By the fact that we remain unforgiving of ourselves. (23)
If you need a copy of the book, please let M. Kay know (kaycook@saintadans.org). Please feel free to join our discussion even if you haven't had a chance to read the chapter.
This is a summary of Sept 11,
2011: What a date to begin a discussion of forgiveness!
Based on the
book, Forgiven and Forgiving by L. William Countryman (Morehouse
Publishing 1998). Please let me know if you want a copy of this book.
An Overview:
This lovely,
brief book looks at the hard work of forgiving, beginning with—the hardest of
all—self-forgiveness. We’ll spend some on that. Then we move to forgiveness on
another, the real problems of forgiveness, and how we forgive as people of
faith;
Here is an
outline of the chapters in Countryman’s book:
Why Forgiveness Forgiveness—Not Quite What You
Thought Forgiving Oneself Forgiving One Another—Opportunity or
Demand Forgiveness builds the Future Some Practical Problems The Forgiving Spirit Forgiveness and the Life of Faith
For Today
We’ll look
at a lot of misconceptions about what forgiveness before we look
at some our own issues of self-forgiveness.
Here are
some points & quotations from the book that we can use to focus our
conversation today:
Let’s look
at what forgiveness is not, according to Countryman
It is not
1. “Making nice.”
2. Denial: It wasn’t that important.
3. Emotional manipulation of ourselves
and others.
4. A commodity.
5. A duty: that is the wrong place to
begin.
Forgiveness—
does not wipe out the past,
nor does it mean that the person
forgiven
is not held accountable for what he or she has
done.
Forgiveness
is:
Here is a
quote from William Temple, Archbishop of Canterbury during WWII:
To repent is to adopt God’s viewpoint in place of your own.
There is not need for any sorrow about it. In itself, far from being sorrowful,
it is the most joyous thing in the world, because when you have done it, you
have adopted the viewpoint of truth itself, and you are in fellowship with God.
(Christian Life and Faith 67)
And one from
William Countryman:
The message of forgiveness says to us, ”Get over
yourself! You are forgiven!” (24)
Sept 18:
For next
week: Walking in the Light—our weekend of renewal
Alliee
DeArmond will lead adult Christian formation after the 10:30 service.
Sept 25: Forgiving Oneself:
